A Riddle of Ugly Proportions

Q: What happens when a gorilla sticks its foot in a orthopedic moon boot?

 A: This does.

$277 for a furry orthopedic moon boot 

I'm sorry Tory Burch but no.

The Hideous Shoe Round-Up

It's time for the hideous shoe round up!

Q: What is the Hideous Shoe Round-Up?

A: When the Interwebs throws too much ugly out in the universe at one time.  It's a virtual mini-collection of the most offensive current offerings.

Today's first contender is Diesel's Heureux.

Mais non

Oh, Diesel...  Heureux I am not.  Exactly $210 plus tax worth of malheureux.  [Note: if this shoe has a zipper, I MIGHT only be $200 worth of malheureux.  I'll give you $10 credit for dedication to a theme.  What can I say, I'm a giver].

You know who is NOT a giver?  Kanye West, the latest rapper turned designer.

Le sigh

WHY DOES SHE HAVE GIANT KNITTED CROISSANTS-SCRUNCHIES AROUND HER ANKLES?  

Mr. West, I implore you, please leave women alone.  And if you must give us knitted breakfast food foot apparel, please do not accent them with my grandmother's fuzzy ball trim.  I am so exhausted looking at this that I almost don't have the energy to tackle the next misguided, mangled, mash up...

So many looks... so many

Remember when you wanted to be a gladiator/biker/sufferer of seasonal affective disorder so you wear pretend sandals when in reality you are wearing winter ankle boots?  Everyone feels this way, n'est pas?

No.  This shoe would be hideous as a sandal.  It would be hideous as a boot.  But the two?  It's just beyond.  And $275.

Drugs and Other Ideas

Overheard (by Mr. Z as I was internet shopping): Seriously? I hope for that price they also come with the less-than-legal substance that made Miu Miu think this was a good idea...

Seaweed Wrap, Anyone?

These are a Diane von Furstenberg creation. Two thoughts come to mind:

1) For roughly the same price, I could get an actual seaweed wrap that would leave my skin radiant and temporarily (let's be realistic here) shave inches off my stomach/hips/thighs/insert-body-part-here.

2) Wearing these would make it look like I have created a California roll out of my feet. And then people (myself included) might just want to eat my feet.

P.S. Those are considered sandals. I don’t care who you are, that is a sweaty, blister-inducing mess waiting to happen.